Pay it Forward- Blessings Abound

Every once in a while, an opportunity for greatness presents itself. You never know where or when it may strike, or what it is when it does, but you will know it when you see it. This will be that one chance to do something good- something out of the ordinary when you get a chance to do a good deed for someone other than yourself.

The week before last, I was the recipient of one of these opportunities. A friend of mine forwarded an email to me that her friend sent her asking everyone to make a sick little girls' 7th birthday the best ever by sending her a birthday card. Not only did the request inspire me to do much more, it touched me to my core, and awakened something in me that has been dormant for a long while. The thoughtfulness and sincerity of the person who wanted nothing more than to see this young girl smile was amazing to me. I saw the simple beauty of this gesture, and was in awe of the woman who wanted to create magic for this child, if only for one day.

I was inspired enough to pass this along to more of my friends as well. I started with a few I had a feeling would be touched enough to do this as I was, and you know what, a couple of people did exactly that! ( Big shout out to Stephanie, Sophia and Manny!) But I was actually disappointed to see that more didn't. As I passed it along to even more people, and made it more known to others, a few more kindhearted people were moved enough to send something as well and let others know. ( Thank you Deb, Karie & Kara!), but overwhelmingly, not to many other people cared. I was actually pretty shocked about this. Out of over 400 people that are on my "friends list" ( all of them being people I actually know), only 6 people thought of more than just themselves and choose to brighten a little girls day who has been suffering from AML and Lukemia for more than 61 months. 5 of the 7 years she has been on this earth she has suffered with horrible diseases and it is too much to send a simple card to make a child smile? That is so sad to me.

I knew there were a lot of people who wouldn't do it due to their capacity to not really think of others in this manner ( and I am not meaning this in a rude way, it's just the truth), some would be too busy ( like we all aren't but some people know how to prioritize while others don't), and some just don't give a damn, and yes this is sad but true. I was saddened even more by the fact of knowing that I had so many " friends" (obviously I am using this term loosely) on facebook that this really didn't touch them enough for them to do something, even if it was just passing the email/ post on to someone else. Something as simple as that would have sufficed (even though I don't know if some did or not for sure). I wanted to help flood this little girls room with cards from people all over the US to let her know that people do care and that she is such a brave little girl who inspires many people everywhere. I wanted to show her the kindness of strangers and how much she has touched them, even those far away. I wanted to help make her birthday special in my own way, by helping out as much as I could in some capacity, and I am happy to know I did.

On too the good stuff! I was overjoyed that I do have friends that didn't hesitate one bit to do this. They took one look at the email, went out and found the cutest cards, and mailed them as soon as they could. It was the kindest gesture and they didn't ask twice about it. This brought me to tears when each of them told me they sent their cards. I was incredibly inspired by this handful of people and was extremely proud that I have these type of people in my life and that I can call them friends. Their selflessness is amazingly refreshing and they inspire me to be a better person, even more now than before. I am a firm believer that the good that you do comes back to you tenfold, and I can't wait to see the blessings they will receive unfold. They deserve that and more, and with hearts of gold, I am sure they will get that and then some!

So needless to say, this has definitely opened my eyes. Some people aren't who I thought they were

and some don't surprise me at all. Some talk the talk , but their actions are no where near congruent with their words.

Most don't care because it does not pertain to them or their daily lives and others probably just don't

pay attention.

This is a wake up call to really evaluate why I have certain people in my life, and who I really want to be

around me and in my life. I know who I want to strive to be in life, and I just want the people who

are going to help me get there to be in it. I am thankful that there are those amazing, thoughtful,

caring people in my life because they inspire me to be a better person. People like Tracy ( the person who

organized this whole thing) has shown me what truly having compassion and heart means. Not saying I never

had it before, but it's the need to show it more often that has been renewed. Thank you for being such

an amazing person Tracy. Steph, Sophia, Manny, Deb, and Karie, thanks for being so awesome! You

guys rock!

For the rest, maybe one day your pay it forward moment won't be missed. It feels so good to do something just because - and I know I wouldn't want to miss the pure moment of joy like this for nothing!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAYLIN

Unfriended

I use to think that saying that people come into your life for a reason, season, or a life time was some cutsie cliche that wasn't very true. In my younger days, I naively thought my friendships with some people would last forever and ever, and now that I am older, I see just how true that statement really is. You never know what will be the cause behind the demise of a friendship. These days it is more acts of betrayal, lying, cheating, or some grand falling out that end things, but sometimes those small, interesting things kinda creep up, and cause you to think, wow- did that really happen!

Backing up just a bit, it's probably better if I explain myself. Back in college I had this best friend that I did everything with. (Some of you know who I am talking about so no names are necessary, and I don't need to go there). We were two peas in a pod, always together, traveling everywhere, enjoying life without any cares or worries in the world, exploring everything we could, soaking up all that life had to offer, and things were good. We had experienced a lot together and despite our differences ( she is a small town country girl whose family is 2nd generation German-American ), our experiences only made us stronger. In her little town, there were only like 2 or 3 black families that lived there (maybe only 2), so growing up she was the one who was friends with "literally the only black girl in school", and saw nothing of it, so our friendship was nothing out of the ordinary at all.

Through the years, people even commended us on your friendship. Today that sounds really odd, but an example of this was in 1999 we had gone to Arizona on a road trip, and one morning after hanging out all night with people we met there, we went to Mc Donalds for breakfast. While we were sitting down eating, we noticed this older gentleman staring at us. We didn't really think anything of it at the time, and just continued eating. When he was finished with his meal, he walked over to our table, said "excuse me", and proceeded to tell us that it was "a beautiful sight to behold" seeing us sit there with one another, sharing stuff and having whatever deep convo we were having without worrying about what others would think. He went on saying that not even 40 years ago, this wouldn't have been allowed and he was glad he had lived long enough to see what a difference the civil rights movement had made, and that living in harmony could be achievable, etc... He ended the conversation with " Thank you for giving me hope and allowing me to see such wonder". We didn't quite know what to say in response. We understood what it meant to him, but of course, it didn't phase us at all that people would see us in a different way. It was interesting getting someone else's point of view with them being from the outside looking in. I am sure through the years people have thought various things, but no one ever says what's on their minds when it comes to this particular subject matter. Of course we have gotten our fair share of odd stares/ whispers and glances, but we never really acknowledged it. On one of our road trips, I had taken her to New Orleans for Mardi Gras one year, and we had gone into some fast food restaurant ( I think it was McDonald's again!), and it just so happened that when we walked in, she was the only white person in the entire place. I didn't bother her at all of course, but everyone else literally stopped what they were doing to stare at us, and obviously had issues with it. They were more surprised I should say. but then I opened my mouth, and ya'll know what I mean, they got it. It was an interesting thing to see but no one actually told us anything. That was just how "old school" Louisiana was for you. I warned her before hand of course, not that it really bothered her or anything.

Long story short, through the years, we had a few minor occurrences where our differences were brought to our attention, but it wasn't a factor in our friendship. It was a total non-issue and we were more focused on building our friendship as comparison to defining it or trying to categorize it. Like any friendship, we had our ups and downs, but we were good.

So fast forward a few years to about 2005 or so. She started dating this older guy ( about 13-15 years older than her- i don't remember exactly), he was German, and had a total old school way of thinking. At first things were fine. They dated on and off until they finally decided to be in a relationship after a year or so. My opinion of him was that he was "okay". He wasn't one of my "fave's" of all of her boyfriends, but he was tolerable.

About a year into their relationship, she and I had gone down to Corpus Christie to go on a little mini trip and go deep sea fishing. We were having a great, animated conversation about something when we pulled up to a gas station for gas and snacks. While we were both standing outside to pump gas, she asked if she could tell me something without me getting mad or upset. She then proceeded to drop this bomb on me: "___ doesn't understand how we can be such great friends. He doesn't understand our relationship or how white people and black people can get along so well." He apparently had never been around black people at all before and didn't understand what we had in common. He didn't get why we were friends. She said she tried to explain to him, but he didn't get it. My first question after I picked my jaw up from the ground, was "are you serious???" Which was quickly followed by "how in the hell could you be with someone like that!" She tried to justify that he was older, his parents were the same way, and that he had just never been around people of other races to understand. I stood there in disbelief not understanding her and this situation at all. She told me his opinion wouldn't influence her at all and that she would eventually make him see the truth. We got back in the car and went on our way.

I couldn't shake what she said, so a few days later i emailed her what I really thought, questioning her rational for being with him and what that meant for our friendship. What would happen if they got married? If our kids could ever really be friends, etc... She wrote me back saying she couldn't believe I would question our friendship and doubt her, or that I didn't think she was strong enough to think for herself, and that we would always be friends. Things were never quite "normal" between us again after this.

For the next year or so, we kinda pretended that nothing had changed. She had gone out of the country with him, and had come back about 6 months later. She had come to my house one day after she got back, and after talking, and having fun, getting back to how we use to be, she told me she was 3 months pregnant and that they were getting married. I was a bit shocked, but told her I was happy for her. They had a quickie justice of the peace wedding before he went back overseas again. We had hung out all day, and she spent the night just like the good old days. We had fun, and said how much we missed being around each other. She left the next afternoon, back to her small town, and that was it. We had talked a few times after that, but slowly the calls and emails stopped.

She had her baby, which I only found out about through a mutual friend, had a real wedding, moved out of the country again and everything, but I had not heard anything from her again.

Three years and another kid later ( I found out about this one via facebook), she sent me a message on facebook, saying we should get together. I had just moved to Houston, and she had just moved to Sugarland ( we were about 30 mins from each other). But we never found the time, ( AKA, we couldn't get together when her husband was in town, only when he was out of the country), and she is in some other country now.

The point of this all is first, her husband obviously prevailed. His thoughts and beliefs became hers and our 10 years of friendship when out the window seemingly overnight. I hate to the word, but this is an example of racism rearing it's ugly head at it's finest. It's 2011 and obviously this still exists. Secondly, strong willed people who have the stupidest ideology will prevail and manipulate those who are weak the majority of the time.

This is the beginning of the fourth year of us not being "friends" . Up until the other day, we were "friends" on facebook, but it came to mind that I don't want to be "fake friends" in that manner with someone whose mindset and ideology I don't believe in. When all your "friends" on facebook or in life are all the same race, and you don't talk to anyone of "color" that you use to be friends with, that is a bit to much for me to handle. It seems to me that someone has crossed too far over into the land of white, where "undercover" racism is a way of life.

I don't feel bad about loosing this friendship. We had 10 amazing years as friends, and then she taught me the biggest lessons ever in life. 1. Racial intolerance is still alive and well as unfortunate as this is, and 2. weak minded people do whatever they are told. I know it's a bit harsh implying that she had/ has slowly become just like him ( racist), but she has accepted it, and has embraced it herself, so what else could I really say it is.

This is something I definitely don't need in my life, so when I hit that "unfriend" button on facebook, I knew there was no turning back. You were unfriended because you gave in. You lost yourself and your common sense somewhere along the way, and became one of those disgusting people who make this world harder to live in. You were unfriended because you lost sight of yourself and who you were by becoming him and believing in his foolishness. You were unfriended because you are no longer a friend, and lost track of the real definition of that word a long time ago.

That old guy at Mc Donalds in Phoenix would be so disappointed. But all I have to say is, just as it says on AOL when you sign out- Goodbye~

That's not the way I want my story to end...

It's truly unbelievable that it is a new year already. I can't help but wonder where the time has gone. The last year has almost been a blur, There have been amazing highs and some pretty bad lows, but as it comes to a close, I am almost exactly where I want to be- well I said almost!

I have met some pretty amazing people this year, and some of course who reside on the very end of the opposite side of that spectrum. Those who you can say are in the despicable range really, but I am not going to dwell on the negative. I can say that those few did teach me some valuable lessons in life. Particularly not believing in everything that you hear, and that some people really have no conscious at all- and they thrive on lies and hurting others. But you know what? Karma is a bitch, and will come back harder than you can ever imagine. As hard as it is to move on and forgive these people, I am glad to say I have been able too (yeah it took a while of course), but I have definitely not forgotten the lesson. I am glad that my faith is strong enough to have made it through all of those tough times as well.

So this isn't going to be some long, oh this is what I am changing in 2011 diatribe. I know my goals, what I am going to achieve, etc... and I don't need to broadcast it to the world. Besides, people close to me already know what they are anyway. :)

I am all about making this year count for something. I am in a new city where new, amazing adventures need to be had with a lot of new people that I have been fortunate to meet, and I want to take advantage of all that I can. Travel a bit, see some new places, go with the flow and just live. There is this quote from this book Les got me a few years ago that says: "Dreams are... illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you" ( Marsha Norman) I want my soul to write amazing things and want those dreams to become reality.

Another one that I really liked was " Anyone in a state of SEEKING can never be happy. Only those who are constantly FINDING are fulfilled. And finding is not something that happens to us- it's something we do!" ( Allen Cohen) I seek inspiration from these wise words of wisdom. They are just mere words stung together, and at first glance they may not strike a chord with in. But if you really think about their meaning, you'll see just how profound they are.

I am craving the need to be a better me. To be stronger, more driven, have more faith, to be fearless, to be the best Danielle I can be. My niece Danielle asked me the other night what I was thankful for and what I wanted in the new year, and I told her that what I was looking forward to in the new year were the endless possibilities and abundant blessings I will receive. I want to focus on nurturing the friendships/ relationships in my life, live life to the fullest, and follow what God wants for me, not necessarily what I want for myself in life. I just want to live, while being grateful for everything and becoming the person I want to be. ( She totally got this btw... which is only one of the reasons my niece totally rocks! LOL)

Its easy to say all this, but of course implementing it is a different story. But I do believe that with a lot of hard work and perseverance it can be done. Of course having an amazing support system ( AKA my family and friends) doesn't hurt either ;) Because with them, I can do anything I set my mind too. Like Dylan Thomas said " Do not go gentle into that good night" ( Yeah I know some of you only know this line since it was mentioned in the movie Dangerous Minds... it's actually a really good poem!) I am going to fight, kick, scream, and claw my way up to where I want to me ( while taking those who want to be there along with me of course).

I didn't want this to become too cheesy, or some long foo foo boring yeah me synopsis, because ya'll know that's not me. But this is more of an accurate portrayal of what I am striving for. Something real, straightforward, honest- just me. The person who won't settle for second best, who knows her self worth, who knows that I don't need others to validate my belief in myself. Nor will I compromise myself to please someone else. I am not going to allow people who don't enhance my life in some way to be in my life any longer (thus the facebook and phone clean up!). I have no room for that anymore. I want to shine as bright as the northern star ( okay I am being a tad cheesy now, but I know it!), and become as great as am in my dreams! I am reaching for the stars, striving for greatness- because not succeeding' is not the way I want my story to end....

" The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware" Henry Miller