Venting- An open letter to you...

       So I thought I was over this, but apparently not because it is still weighing heavily on my mind.  The more I think about it, the more the reality of it all sinks in. I thought you were better, stronger, and not "one of those" type people, but I digress and admit that I was wrong.

       What you did was not cool. Not cool at all. It was rude, and showed that you have no respect for me at all. You only thought about yourself, and your selfishness took precedence over everything. But I guess as long as you are happy, while everyone else was miserable, then it justifies your actions.
   
     If it were me, I would have respected you enough to understand your request, and would have honored it, no questions asked.  But I see now that we are two different types of people, and that makes a world of difference. You see, I don't tolerate bullshit and disrespect. I don't let someone walk all over me and stick around when they hurt me to the core.  I have the balls to say what I feel, and what really mean without filtering myself, and yeah, that may mean that some things may come out a bit harsh, but I am not going to sugar coat anything.   We are all adults, and should be able to handle things as such.

        YOU... MESSED... UP and no amount of trying to rationalize why you did what you did will erase the distrust it has caused.  Excuses, excuses, excuses,  that is all I heard, and none of them were remotely justifiable.  Your actions were un-excusable and very upsetting.

        Now, there are some people who I have talked to that understand your point of view, but there are a whole lot more who understand mine, and most are just as outraged as I am.  The more I think about this, the more upset I am about the total disregard for my feelings and the animosity you have created. Yes, this is something YOU created!

       I have stated emphatically that this will NEVER, and I mean NEVER happen again.  At this point in my life I have grown enough to realize the caliber of people I want in my life, and around me.  I only want to be around good, positive people, those who help their fellow man, those who build me up and help me be a better person in this world, those who teach me things I may not know, and those who love more than they hate.  Those who get that life is a good thing, that should be lived and enjoyed.  What I don't want to be around or have in my life are disgusting people who are assholes.  Those who spew hatred out of their mouths so easily, and in the next breath, "apologize" and say "I love you".  That is beyond hypocritical, and too fake for me.  Their lives are based on lies, and that is not something I want to be around.  Being a bitch is one thing, but being a trifling, two faced  hypocrite-  well that is a whole different story. 

      So as  I said, I choose not to bring that type of negativity into my life and DON'T want to be around that.  I choose to have positive, loving, encouraging people around me and in my life, and don't appreciate someone bringing the opposite around me. If I wanted to be around trash, I would rummage threw the garbage.  I don't appreciate being guilt tripped into having to be around it.  My slumming days are over, and I don't appreciate someone intentionally bringing me around that despicable of a person.  

    You can choose to be around that all you want, and continue you make excuses as to how its okay to accept that in your life, but I am not the one.  So just know, if and when the possibility of meeting up happens again, if you feel it necessary to bring the pathetic excuse of a human being with you, I will NOT be there.  As much as I would want to see you and hang out, I WILL NOT go against what I believe in and stand for because you feel guilty and want to renege on what you previously agreed too and understood.  If that means it will be a while before we see you again, then I am truly sorry about that, but no excuse in the world is acceptable enough for me to be around such a disgusting human being, regardless of how brain washed you are.   To me, that is a sign of weakness, and last I checked, men aren't supposed to surrender their balls once they get into a relationship.  They aren't supposed to be treated like shit, and chewed up and spit out supposedly in the name of love.  They don't stick around with cowards who have no recourse than to deliver painful, low blows, all because they are mad over stupid shit they have to right to be mad about.  How is this even right?

    But I digress,  your inability to recapture your manhood is not the point of my writing this.  My point was to let it be known that I am not happy at all with what happened the other day.  You know, like I know that it was absolute bullshit, and I am not going to let it slide without addressing the problem/ issue.  No things are not okay... I clearly see that you have no respect for me, and that my thoughts and feelings aren't important to you at all.  They were blatantly disregarded- and that is not what friendship/ family is all about.  You couldn't/ didn't even recognize how much of a problem it is/ was because you were too busy thinking about yourself.  Sometimes,  taking others thoughts and feelings into consideration is a good thing.  Just know that I would have never disrespected you in that manner, and wouldn't use such tactics to try and get my way.  Let me state emphatically, once again, that I DO NOT want to be around this person ever, and if t hat means not seeing you because you can't deal, well I am sorry.  God doesn't like ugly and neither to do, and I will not be around those who are- regardless of who they are to you.

      I know you won't understand, but I hope after reading this, you will at least be able to respect my decisions.  I do not want to compromise my values and beliefs so that you could feel  better.  I will not be around evil, despicable people if I can help it, and I will not cower and not stand up for what I believe in.  If this changes things, then I am sorry, but what you did was unfair. and I can't let more time pass without saying how I feel.

"Being About That Life"

     So it's been a while since I have brought a pen to a pad of paper to share my thoughts. When I sit and try to figure our why it has been so long, I run through a list in my head. Is it because I have nothing interesting to say? No, never that. Is it because I have no feelings about anything? Nope- wrong again. Not motivated, hmm- maybe a little. To busy? Can't say that either. No matter the excuse, there have been certain things that have been brought to light recently which has prompted me to get back into the groove of things again. So here goes...

     I'll be the first to admit that surprisingly, there are people out there that still manage to amaze me.  Some seem so misguided or delusional, and are so wrong about this thing called life that it floors me sometimes.

    How is it that for some, achievement in life is about the "bling, poppin tags, bottles, driving that S Class, and makin' paper"? Does this really define who you are and what your values are? Is that really all that is important to them? Hanging out with famous people, or supposedly "making a name for yourself"- does it really matter if it is not in a beneficial way?

     Maybe I am just getting old, and in my old age I am becoming a bit more conservative than I'd like to admit. Or maybe it's because I am a bit more mature, because I just don't get how " being 'bout that life" is all that impressive. Some brag about having kids in the "flyest" clothes but can they even read or write a proper sentence? They run around doing whatever they want, but can they tell me what 12 x 13 is?  I kinda doubt it, but wait... they have on the newest Jordan's, so that's all that matters, Right?  They may not finish school, but it's okay because you only have to be 18 to get into the club and have fun. We got VIP Baby! But what good does it do when your stylin' in the VIP section, but you are as dumb as a bag of bricks? Talk about having your priorities straight and trying to achieve a shining bright future! Who needs an education when you can be the next great rap star? How you gonna count yo money?  What a thing to aspire to be! How about emphasizing how important school is? How about creating a work ethic, or becoming a useful person in society, instead of another statistic, draining the system of resources that I have to supply to take care of your dead beat ass! So that's what  "being 'bout that life" is all about? Well you can keep that!

   Then there are those who are still in the "me" category.  I though this was a phase that only children are trying to outgrow, but its still amazing how many adults still find it hard to think about other people besides themselves! There comes a time in life when you can't constantly think about yourselves. Sometimes, other people and other things should come first. Do you really believe the world should revolve around you? - Umm, No, it doesn't! The sooner this is realized, the better off some will be.

   The more I sit and write and think, I realize what I do want my life to be about. The things I want to value and believe in. I want my life to be about my family. I have some AMAZING people in my life. I am blessed to still have my mom in my life. I have an incredibly fantastic husband that loves me unconditionally whom I  love and adore. I have wonderful Aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews, brothers, puppies etc... who I love and cherish. Everyday is all about strengthening the bonds with these people and recreating the definition of family and what its supposed to mean and signify.

   Then there are my friends. Most don't even qualify for this title because they are most definitely the family category. But I have the most AMAZING people I am lucky and honored to call friends in my life.  For some, it feels like they have been around for a lifetime, some have been there 20 + years, 15+, 10+ and some that are more recent, but they are truly incredible, and I thank God for them everyday. These people are the family I choose to surround myself with. They share my happiness and sadness, my highs and my low's. They are the ones I choose to let in and share a piece of my soul with. they are the ones who call me out on my bullshit, and know immediately if something is wrong or right. They have my back and I have theirs. They are the important people I want to be about. 

  I work hard, not so that I can go out and buy some random crap I don't need to keep up with the Jones', but so that I can get what I want, when I want it. We bought a beautiful house to have a place we can call home and invest in ourselves instead of making someone else rich. I don't need the $600 Michael Kors purse, or a $300 LV clutch. What do I need this for? I have a 401k, investments on the side, a savings account, and to be honest, I'd rather spend that kind of money on an awesome vacation in Europe or South America! But see, I don't think I can be " 'bout that life" because material things don't impress me much. What good is that new Beemer or Lexus if you can't afford the gas and insurance to drive it? Or if it gets repoed because you are living outside your means? Just sayin'- 

  I want the people in this world to respect me, to acknowledge the sound mind I have spent years cultivating, to appreciate the years of learning and continued education I do to maintain the knowledge I have in my career.  I couldn't imagine someone questioning my abilities, knowledge or life because of how I chose to present myself. If you choose to continue to present yourself in a certain manner, well, your abilities will be called into question. If you dress like a ho, sound and write ignorantly, well, no one is really going to believe a word you're trying to say.  How do you expect to be taken seriously? Yet you get offended and continuously have to try and prove yourself. Trying to make yourself sound better, more educated and worthy- Umm, yeah, that is not going to happen! Especially in the real world. 

  A recent medical issue that a dear friend is currently going through has made me realize that life is way too short to worry about the trivialities. There are some people that we shouldn't waste our time on, and some things in life that really aren't that important. Some times, there are just things that we need to move on from.

   I was fortunate enough the other day to get to spend some time hanging out with my nephew, niece and great niece who just happened to turn 1 the other day, and my hubby. These special moments make me realize that this is the life I want to be about.  I want a life filled with love, laughter, family, friends, and good times.  I am not all about the bright, shiny things, because all glitters is not gold.  You can have all of the fancy things- I'll plan my next awesome vacation to a fabulous destination! While in the meantime, enjoying the great times at home with my family and friends, surrounded by love and good times.

     You can keep on being "'bout that life" because I have no interest in that whatsoever. I hope those "things" and fake people in your life suit you well. Me on the other hand, my life will be about creating more fabulous memories with my husband, my family, and my friends. It will be about seeing as much of the world that I can, meeting more awesome, interesting people. Mine will be about seeking enrichment in various ways and continued learning, not going out X amount of times a week whole not realizing the responsibilities I have at home, or thinking every shiny thing that can be bought is important.  I can't wait to be about the life I want to live! The wonderful unexpectedness brings me joy!

So enjoy your stuff- I hope it brings you lots of pleasure and helps you be " 'bout that life"!