So I thought I was over this, but apparently not because it is still weighing heavily on my mind. The more I think about it, the more the reality of it all sinks in. I thought you were better, stronger, and not "one of those" type people, but I digress and admit that I was wrong.
What you did was not cool. Not cool at all. It was rude, and showed that you have no respect for me at all. You only thought about yourself, and your selfishness took precedence over everything. But I guess as long as you are happy, while everyone else was miserable, then it justifies your actions.
If it were me, I would have respected you enough to understand your request, and would have honored it, no questions asked. But I see now that we are two different types of people, and that makes a world of difference. You see, I don't tolerate bullshit and disrespect. I don't let someone walk all over me and stick around when they hurt me to the core. I have the balls to say what I feel, and what really mean without filtering myself, and yeah, that may mean that some things may come out a bit harsh, but I am not going to sugar coat anything. We are all adults, and should be able to handle things as such.
YOU... MESSED... UP and no amount of trying to rationalize why you did what you did will erase the distrust it has caused. Excuses, excuses, excuses, that is all I heard, and none of them were remotely justifiable. Your actions were un-excusable and very upsetting.
Now, there are some people who I have talked to that understand your point of view, but there are a whole lot more who understand mine, and most are just as outraged as I am. The more I think about this, the more upset I am about the total disregard for my feelings and the animosity you have created. Yes, this is something YOU created!
I have stated emphatically that this will NEVER, and I mean NEVER happen again. At this point in my life I have grown enough to realize the caliber of people I want in my life, and around me. I only want to be around good, positive people, those who help their fellow man, those who build me up and help me be a better person in this world, those who teach me things I may not know, and those who love more than they hate. Those who get that life is a good thing, that should be lived and enjoyed. What I don't want to be around or have in my life are disgusting people who are assholes. Those who spew hatred out of their mouths so easily, and in the next breath, "apologize" and say "I love you". That is beyond hypocritical, and too fake for me. Their lives are based on lies, and that is not something I want to be around. Being a bitch is one thing, but being a trifling, two faced hypocrite- well that is a whole different story.
So as I said, I choose not to bring that type of negativity into my life and DON'T want to be around that. I choose to have positive, loving, encouraging people around me and in my life, and don't appreciate someone bringing the opposite around me. If I wanted to be around trash, I would rummage threw the garbage. I don't appreciate being guilt tripped into having to be around it. My slumming days are over, and I don't appreciate someone intentionally bringing me around that despicable of a person.
You can choose to be around that all you want, and continue you make excuses as to how its okay to accept that in your life, but I am not the one. So just know, if and when the possibility of meeting up happens again, if you feel it necessary to bring the pathetic excuse of a human being with you, I will NOT be there. As much as I would want to see you and hang out, I WILL NOT go against what I believe in and stand for because you feel guilty and want to renege on what you previously agreed too and understood. If that means it will be a while before we see you again, then I am truly sorry about that, but no excuse in the world is acceptable enough for me to be around such a disgusting human being, regardless of how brain washed you are. To me, that is a sign of weakness, and last I checked, men aren't supposed to surrender their balls once they get into a relationship. They aren't supposed to be treated like shit, and chewed up and spit out supposedly in the name of love. They don't stick around with cowards who have no recourse than to deliver painful, low blows, all because they are mad over stupid shit they have to right to be mad about. How is this even right?
But I digress, your inability to recapture your manhood is not the point of my writing this. My point was to let it be known that I am not happy at all with what happened the other day. You know, like I know that it was absolute bullshit, and I am not going to let it slide without addressing the problem/ issue. No things are not okay... I clearly see that you have no respect for me, and that my thoughts and feelings aren't important to you at all. They were blatantly disregarded- and that is not what friendship/ family is all about. You couldn't/ didn't even recognize how much of a problem it is/ was because you were too busy thinking about yourself. Sometimes, taking others thoughts and feelings into consideration is a good thing. Just know that I would have never disrespected you in that manner, and wouldn't use such tactics to try and get my way. Let me state emphatically, once again, that I DO NOT want to be around this person ever, and if t hat means not seeing you because you can't deal, well I am sorry. God doesn't like ugly and neither to do, and I will not be around those who are- regardless of who they are to you.
I know you won't understand, but I hope after reading this, you will at least be able to respect my decisions. I do not want to compromise my values and beliefs so that you could feel better. I will not be around evil, despicable people if I can help it, and I will not cower and not stand up for what I believe in. If this changes things, then I am sorry, but what you did was unfair. and I can't let more time pass without saying how I feel.
