You know those days where it seems that the light bulb just comes on, and you see the world with 20/20 vision and a clarity that you have never known before? I have had a few of those lately, and you know what, it feels really, really good. I felt like I was searching forever. For what I really didn't know, and I don't know if I would have known what it was if I found it anyway. But the fact that I am closer to figuring it out is amazing!

I saw the movie EAT PRAY LOVE this weekend and there was so much that I took away from it. The movie itself was just okay, but the message behind it totally spoke to me. There are a few lines in it that I loved! Which are very inspiring!

"America is an entertainment-seeking nation, but not necessarily a pleasure-seeking one...even when we aren’t working, we are still doing something — and often that something is soul-deadening instead of life-giving, and not even restful."

When I heard that, I thought to myself, OMG that is me! Why do I sound like that. I don't proclaim to be that person, the one sits around and doesn't live, but it slowly happened, and I don't like it at all. There is this phrase that I am going to adopt as a mantra in life that was from the movie as well (The Italian phrase for “the beauty of doing nothing”: Il bel far niente.) I love this! There are so many days when I feel like a chicken with my head cut off. Always thinking, moving, on the go ( well the ADHD doesn't help! but you know what I mean) and here I am, not truly enjoying what's out there.

What's stopping me from going back to Italy for an extended amount of time like Julia Roberts did in the movie. I can come up with any number of excuses, but are they really legit. Why am I not roaming across the French country side enjoying every moment as if it were my last. I could be traversing through some foreign land soaking up all the culture , meeting people, enjoying the land and really living. Yet I subject myself to the day in and day out, and deny myself the true pleasure that I want, need and crave.

After talking with a good friend today, we both mentioned how we want change and that we need to do something about it instead of just talking about it ( she happens to be reading this book too!). Getting out there is a must. Seeing, feeling, breathing, enjoying the essence of a far away land is something that needs continuous nourishment, and I haven't done a good job lately of feeding that need. I needed the wake up call, and I am thrilled that something has given me the necessary push I needed to get out there and go!

A talk with my youngest brother also helped see this as well. He is a musician who has been in the studio for the past 3 months working hard pursuing his dream. Up early, late to bed... He has worked hard and is seeing this hard work pay off. This is what he is passionate about, and he worked damn hard to get on his way. He has a show in Nov that he has already started preparing for because he wants to be just that good. I totally admire that. His passion, his drive, the making it happen and not giving up. I am trying to figure out what my passion is like that. It use to be writing, but as you can see even from keeping up with this, I haven't been as diligent as I should be ( even though to be fair I had password probs! not that it was that hard to fix)! I use to love to write, and be really good at it, but somewhere along the way, that passion dwindled, and I don't know why. The sad part is that nothing has taken it's place.

So then, what drives me now? What is there out there that drives me in that way now?

I am trying to figure that out for myself. I have a very talented family ( no joke I really do!). My brother sings, my cousin Krissy ( shout out) is becoming an amazing stage actress who can sing her a$$ off ( Tyler Perry look out for her)! I have several other cousins who have gospel albums out, other who are rappers that have their own record labels, a few who are actors, you name it. They are all doing the thing the love and are very passionate about. Soooo where does that leave me? Yeah I can sit here and write this and it flows out very easily, but I need to get the ummphh back if I want to get the fire back that I had before for it. I'll add my own talent to the family some kind of way! lol

To sum it all up, I am going to be about the change now, not just speak of it. I am going to go in that new direction, not just dream of it. I am going to embrace "il bel far niente"! Not just embrace it, but live it, love it and learn it. I am going to find my passion, and if this is it, I am going to cultivate it and be the best I can be, while actually doing as I tried to do before and actually get it out there and published. I am going to learn that language, travel even more than before, read that seemingly dull book that I should just do to get it over with, finish my own that I started writing a while ago, nurture my friendships and deepen them, while making new ones and letting people into my crazysexycool life ( yes that was suppose to be a play on words from the TLC album name!). I am going to really find and become me.

It's time to live. Live like they do in Europe where they truly enjoy life, and it's not all about the 9-5 and more about the enjoyment of life. Making the most of it and not letting it live me... but me living it instead. So Les, I'll see you next year in Israel! And Danielle ( my niece) how about a jaunt through Italy instead of France after you graduate? lol We can have just as many adventures there, and this time work won't stop our fun~ To every one else C'est la vie... it's time to get this life started!